Ok, I gotta ask.
What is up with the A1C secret?
How come NO ONE EVER SAYS WHAT THE A1C WAS AT THEIR APPOINTMENT?
When I read all 30 or so of the blogs that I have come to love…I never see the number? Oh! I get it, the grade card theory, the ego…I am right along with the D masses on hiding Dexter (CGM) when she’s flying at 300 or above. The graph from the last 6, 12, or 24 hours that looks like my 1-year-old son just scribbled all over the face of it!
I’m learning soooo much from all the bloggers, mammas, daddy’s, Type 1’s themselves. But I most learn from the “information” that is hidden in the stories. Joe running into the school…out of character and Mrs. Awesome catching on. Laim’s mom just flat venting, verbatim what I have run through my head many times since January. Hell I’m pretty sure it was Caleb on You Tube that gave me the confidence to put the first pod on my daughter by myself. Sweatpea’s mom throwin’ numbers around like a champ, play by play giving me a visual of what next year may be like…and that it’s ok if it’s going to happen that way, because sometimes it just does. Justin’s mom is good at descriptive writting…I feel like I’m there. The Houston Family, need I say more? Grace’s mom who says it VERY well on every post and we MUST NOT forget Reyna and Joe (again). Throwin’ it on the table all ugly and real…LIKE IT SHOULD BE! (I’ll stop here with the examples, 30 examples is excessive I think and I’ve already circled back to Reyna!)
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect everyone to suddenly divulge the A1C’s of their loved ones, but I have to admit sometimes the details of such things can make those who are new and old a little more reasonable in the expectations of the daunting D. Even Kerri only put a number out there when she was down to 6 during her relentless, perfection of blood sugars for the baby B-sparling! and she’s the TMI queen!
I was talking to a girlfriend the other night and mentioned how it is taking me some time to figure out why it is that people hide that they have diabetes. How for me…the more people who know that Ellie has it, the safer I think she is. The more we/she throws it out there…the more acceptance and protection she will ultimately receive. But it’s different for me I’m beginning to realize (I think). I don’t have it, I don’t experience it. I am protecting my child and everything I do relates to that premise. When she becomes of age, will she hide it? Will she be mad at me for letting everyone know? I HAVE NO IDEA! Being a mother of a person with Type 1 Diabetes changes everything I ever thought of being a parent…for the good most of the time. I appreciate more about her and my son. I value my marriage more, our family as a unit means something more than I think it may have. I complain only when there is pain and when I laugh I really mean it.
So I ask, what is the secret and why is it a secret?
Again, for me to just flat blurt this out I feel I must add some failures of my own, some of the things I would have never thought I’d admit or share with anyone. Things I’m pretty confident you all will at the very least relate to. (I hope, otherwise I’ll look for the D SRS people to come knocking on my door?!)
When Ellie was getting shots, there were times I forgot to dial in the units and ended up poking her with no insulin to give…having then to remove it and start over. Not cool by the way. For the first 2 months that Ellie was diagnosed I sat on her sometimes to get the insulin in her, while she screamed no mommy repeatedly. When Ellie asks me why she has diabetes I tell her I don’t know, that no one knows. (that answer makes me feel like crap by the way) There are nights that I just trust what the DexCom says instead of actually testing…because I’m tired. Almost every day I want to quit my job so I can follow her around and make sure her numbers are in range…not necessarily for her, but because when I’m with her MY stress level is down. I go almost no where without Ellie with me, and it’s justified in my head over 99% of the time. I have tested the blood sugar of my son one time, when he was sick for the first time and I couldn’t stand to “not know”. I have not shared my blog page address with one single family member or friend because I don’t know if they will understand. (my husband has it, but I don’t know if he reads it) Oh, and I smoke. (leave it alone, I didn’t know that part of starting was having to quit…they didn’t say it on the side of the packages back when I started…I’ll get there!)
So I guess really, no one has to give out their A1C number, but I would like some sort of feed back from those who know and those who think they may know. This information may help me learn. Maybe learn about our future and the feelings of my little girl that I love more than life itself. Maybe learn about what I’m feeling too.
So there it is my burning question (WAY overstated but with care I promise!)